three months

So I was reflecting back on the last 6 months up here at NAU, and I can honestly say that they have been The Hardest 120 days of my entire 20 years so far. I haven't disclosed all the details to most of you, but I'll give you the gist.

Last semester I rented an apartment off campus with two friends from my residence hall and a friend of a friend. And we had the cutest apartment ever! I thought I was destined for an amazing year, but I was DEAD.WRONG. Something happened that fall and that apartment quickly became the most miserable place on earth for me.

I'm still not entirely sure what happened, but all I do know is that 2 out of the 3 roommates started hating me. (can't-stand-to-sleep-in-the-same-room as-me hate) And sadly, the third roommate, one of my best friends, was too afraid of unpopularity and she followed suit.

Those were the quietest, more tear-filled three months of my young adult life. I couldn't leave my bedroom without feeling daggers in the back of my head. I called my mother at least twice a day just to have somebody to talk to. (not that there's ANYTHING wrong with that) At first I cried every night, then eventually it hardened me.

I was so blessed to find a friend looking for a roommate in the middle of the semester, so I could escape. The damage was still done unfortunately.

It's been 4 months since I moved out. I think today is the first day that I can admit that it doesn't affect me anymore.

I lost a lot of myself in that apartment. I lost that friendly, smiling girl that talks with everyone and loves to make new friends. I lost that passionate optimist. I hate that I wasn't strong enough to escape unscathed, but these are my scars of experience and I wouldn't trade them because I learned so much in those three months, about myself, other people, about true friends. I have come so far in 6 months.

I am so grateful to my Savior for getting me through this dark patch in my life, but I have finally found the light at the end! :) I don't carry the burden of that experience anymore. And while I'm trying to forgive those girls, I have a renewed love for Jesus Christ and all he's done for me.