Dear Girlfriend,

So it's been a year. A whole year since I've seen your beautiful face. A year since you've been a part of my life. 365 day since I've been able to tell you, "Girlfriend, you are the best!"

I miss you. My life hasn't been quite the same since I left, since I've been without you in my life.

I don't like it. I don't like that I wasn't the one to comfort you when he left, to tell you that he never deserved you, that you can do better. I don't like that I wasn't one of the first people you called after your accident. I don't like being strangers anymore. I miss hearing all the little details about your day. I miss your adorable cardigans and tiny heels you always insist on wearing. I miss all our movie nights and girl talk.

A year is way to long.

So I'm giving up, I'm putting aside my pride and breaking the silence. I don't care what happened a year ago, it's not important anymore and honestly, it's all in the past.

I just really miss our friendship, and I really miss you.

So this is my peace offering, I want to be your best friend again.

I want to go back to the way we were before stupid drama got in the way.

So what do you say Girlfriend?

-The Girl with the Sunrise Smile

Okay, so I'll give you a real update....

Sorry, I'm in another thoughtful mood, so I just wanted to post something to commemorate 11/11/11. Wish I were doing something more memorable tonight, or at least with someone. Oh well, this isn't a pity party. More like a homework party with Pandora and my heated blanket. Oh homework, when will you ever end? {The answer is in 4 weeks actually} :) The semester has flown by this year. You will hear no complaints about it from this girl either!

I will say that it's been a little rough this fall. Lots of changes and lots of work. School is keeping me busy. I am wrapping up my fifth semester at NAU next month. Only three more to go! I am still majoring in Psychology with a minor in Photography. It's a weird combo, I know. I love people and I love my camera, so why not do both? Honestly I just really want to be a photographer, but I figured if I was going to spend four years at a university, I might as well get a degree in something I might need, as opposed to photography. Nobody needs a 4 year degree to take good pictures. [at least I hope not in my case}

It's my goal to open my own studio after graduation. Eventually I want to be able to design invitations and announcements as well. {wish me luck}

So I'm sure you want to hear about what I've been up to.

Well lately....

-Still working as an RA on campus in an all girls hall. It's time consuming and overly dramatic at times, but I work with some great people, so it's a lot of fun usually.

-been taking lots of cool pictures lately, remind me to share sometime. I've been planning my final portfolio for this semester, and if it turns out how I have it in my head, it's going to be pretty awesome.

-School has been kicking my butt this semester. Remind me to never take online classes ever again. {worst idea ever}

- It's getting pretty cold up here in Flagstaff. We got about six inches of snow last weekend. So I made a huge snowman with some of my residents and he was awesome. I find myself actually wishing for more snow. Crazy I know! I'm still a valley girl when it comes to summer, but there's just something about snowfall that's so beautiful.

Well I better get back to doing homework, the evil mistress that perpetually haunts me these days.

{1 week till Thanksgiving Break and Turkey Death Day}

Make a Wish!

So as everybody knows, today is November 11, 2011 {11/11/11}

On a Friday too, How amazing is that! A day full of epic wishes...

So in honor of that, I will share with you eleven wishes of mine, not necessarily today's {it wouldn't come true if I told you} but some other things I've been wishing for lately, however crazy they may be.

1. Strength
I wish for the strength to get through the rough days with a smile on my face, to push through those hard times and keep my chin up no matter what life dishes up.

2. Faith
I wish for faith to know that things will get better, faith to know that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now.

3. Hope
I wish for hope to look forward to the future, to hope for brighter days, hope for the best.

4. Courage
Courage to stand up for what I believe in, courage to make the right decisions though they may be difficult, courage to keep up my journey to a better place.

5. Love
I wish for love to be my guiding force, true and amazing love that I hope to find one day. Love for my family friends. I wish for the ability to love all things, even the difficult ones.

6. Brilliance
I wish for brilliance to spark my mind and heart, to light up my days and start a fire within my soul.

7. Safety
Like many, I wish for safety for my friends and family, especially those far from me.

8. Laughter
I wish for my life to be filled with laughter everyday because a day without that is a waste of precious time.

9. Clarity
I wish for clarity in my life, especially at this time of big decisions ahead.

10. Peace
I wish for peace, especially as the holidays approach. I wish for peace to enjoy these special moments with my family, especially because next year will be so drastically different. I wish for peace to accept these changes as they come with an open heart.

11. This is my wish for a good year, for opportunities to learn and grow, develop my talents, maybe make my business take off, meet new people.

There's one more 11:11 11/11/11 left today, last one for a thousand years. I hope you all make it count.

A Note from Daddy....

So I was flipping through one of my old writing notebooks from high school, back when I thought I was cool for writing angst-y poetry. ha ha But as I was leafing through all my memories of 2009, I happened upon this note my Dad wrote me on a particularly dramatic and emotional Sunday two years ago.

You are way too sensitive.

What's wrong? No Friends?

You always have me.

I'll always love you and be your friend.

You realize I'm willing to listen to you and offer constructive criticism. Even when you don't want to hear it. And it's always sincere and what I believe is best for you, even if you can't see it at the moment. I know you are not happy with me at the moment, but I do love you, just like your Heavenly Father loves you. And he does not always give us what we want, but what we actually need. Even if it's not fun or hurts at the moment. What you need to remember is that it is always for our best and that somebody when you can look back and see the whole picture you will realize just how much I loved you. So buck up and try to be happy. "And this too shall pass"

Love ya,

Dad

I wonder if he even remembers writing this to me so long ago... I still teared up a little bit as I read his sarcastic yet endearing note telling me to buck up. I guess that passes for love in my house. ;) Just kidding I still think it's really sweet, and especially true.

We're not always given what we want, but what we need.

Definitely some food for though for me these days. I'm so blessed right now, our Father really does know our needs, even if we don't.

Some things I learned over a bowl of bad chinese food...

First of all, hello again blogland! It has been quite a while since I have posted, but I am finally back from my summer hiatus and I've missed you all. :) My goal is to start posting regularly again. (but that's always been my goal hasn't it?) Well I will do my best to find time to inform you all of my mundane and hair brained life as I tackle school, work, life, love, and family.

So I just ended my forth week of the fifth semester at Northern Arizona University. Plainly put, I'm a month into my junior year. YESSSSS! I'm just ready to graduate and do my own thing, no more papers, no more analyzing minute rhetorical devices, no more psychological research! Augh! This semester has been crazy stressful already if you haven't' noticed... I'm taking my junior level writing and research methods class this semester and it is MURDER! The lab is Tuesday nights from 7 to 9 PM and every Tuesday I contemplate switching majors or just quitting school in general. It's that rough.

But I know I will be okay. I realized something today while I was eating crappy chinese food sitting in the union by myself, contemplating life.

I can do this!

I have a Father in Heaven that loves me, an older brother that would do anything for me, and an eternal family that's always there for me. I am blessed, and I will make it through this trial in my life with faith and perseverance.

Seems like common sense right? haha, guess I just have to figure it out on my own first for it to sink in. :)

But while I'm challenged with my own weaknesses I know there are plenty of people out there that love me and I'll be okay.

And while I sit here watching all my friends get engaged, married, and have babies without me, my day is coming. My perfect guy is just getting ready for me. This is my time right now, my time to be a little selfish and do just what I want. Stay up late, eat junk food, go on adventures, just do things for me. And I'm going to ENJOY IT!

I'm going to be happy!

And I realized today that the only person that can make this decision is me. (I think I knew it all along) So I will smile everyday and be grateful for my amazing blessings and all that I have, all the friends and family, the ability to get a good education and broaden my horizons, my job that helps pay for school and all the other amazing things in my life.

I am blessed and everyday spent not enjoying it is one more day wasted that I will never get back.

So thank you for following along with my personal revelation today. Hope you enjoyed the ride. ;) And I promise this won't be the last time you hear from me....

Until then....

<3 Keara

Lately....

So summer is finally in full swing, which means working a ton, trying to save up for that car... My face has been de-puffified. Glad that's whole ordeal is over... Lots of Sunsplash!!! Dates with my pre-missionary, waiting for his call to come in (next week hopefully) cross your fingers. And just enjoying uninterrupted time with my family. :) What a wonderful summer so far.

I love my new singles ward, they are amazing. I meet new people every week because they just come right up to me and introduce themselves. Haven't been able to make it to many activities yet (stupid work) but it'll happen this summer.

I've let myself take a break from pictures, it's gotten a little out of hand lately. But that just means that my future business is growing. :) I can't wait till it becomes official and I open my studio! SO keep and eye out for Kiki Mills Photography coming soon....

Notes from the puffy-faced girl....

Whew it's been a crazy month! I just finished my sophomore year of college up at NAU, passes all my finals, cleared out my building for the summer and started my job at Target back up.

But this week I am now home recuperating. I just had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed this morning. And before all of you veterans start cringing in pain from the memories of yours, I'm doing pretty great actually. Most of my face is still pretty numb and tingly, but there hasn't been too much pain at all. I'm still a little tender, and Very swollen, but I'm not complaining. This is one of the few times that all of my brothers are nice to me, so I'll take it as long as I can :) I'm hoping the morning doesn't bring a surprise of more pain and swelling, but I got a lovely bottle of pain killers with my name on them :)

I guess you can cross your fingers for pictures ;)

BEDA is over!

Sad day.

But I'm still about 2 weeks behind cumulatively. I apologize again for my absence last weekend. I went home for my Grandfather's funeral and remained fairly occupied during the rest of the weekend.

But now I'm back at NAU cranking away during Reading Week. It's the week teachers are supposed to not teach any new material or give out tests or projects. Coincidentally it is this week that I am the most busy because of tests and projects... who would've though? Huh. >.<

Please shoot me now. I've got 12 more days of this stuff then I'm home free! Ugh. The 15th can't get here soon enough. So I apologize if my posts seem scattered or disjointed (if I manage to post at all). I'm going to be a little stressed for the next week and a half. But I am doing my best to stay on top of everything and not procrastinate which is completely unlike me. But as stressed as I am now, it will only get worse if I don't work my butt of now.

So I will apologize in advance for my absence from posting. This time it's intentional though. I shall be posting pics from my brothers prom in the near future. (as soon as I find time to edit them that is)

So I hope everyone is well. Wish me luck for the next 2 weeks, hopefully I survive. :)

I was surfing Facebook and came across this link posted by a friend from CNN that I really enjoyed

If you don't wanna read it, here are the highlights:

-LZ Granderson: Some parents dress their young girls in provocative outfits
-Retailers have encouraged this behavior by marketing inappropriate clothing
-He says it's OK to blame retailers, but it's parents who are ultimately responsible
-Children need parents who will set rules, not be their friends, he says

It's absolutely ridiculous that children dress this way today, and even crazier that their parents would encourage. Can't we just let them be kids without forcing the crazy world of sex appeal onto them. Where has innocence gone?!?

Best dang thing on the Planet!!!

lemme just say that these are my FAVORITE!!! Best thing in my Easter basket was a bag of these ^^^

So I realize...

It has been four days since my last post, and for that I am truly sorry. I took a short hiatus to spend Easter with my family. But I promise that I will make up for all these missing posts. April has just been a really hectic month for me I guess.

But back to Easter. I had a lovely weekend with my family. It was just good to be home after a month of school and work. Hanging out with my brothers just like old times. :) I can't believe how much they're all growing up now. Conner is graduating in a month. Collin is going to prom for the first time. Dallin will be starting high school in August. They just get so big. [physically and metaphorically] I swear it's not a good weekend to them unless I come back to Flagstaff bruised with a couple cracked ribs..

So this year for Easter we had our typical easter egg hunt. I gotta say they get a lot less entertaining after you turn 20. But I love my mom for still trying. But it's definitely better than hardly any easter at all like some of my friends with older siblings. But I still enjoyed it. I got a super cute swim suit this year, and more candy than I know what to do with. Dang am I spoiled!

I think dying the eggs was my favorite part this year though. Usually I don't get as into it. But it was just Mason, Branson and I this year, AND we had tye dye egg dye! Needless to say, I had a blast. Plus we celebrated our annual post easter tradition of dying the cat with the leftover egg dye. That was probably my favorite part of the whole weekend, not gonna lie. ;) I know it sounds completely cruel and unusual, but when you have a completely white cat and a bunch of leftover dye and a completely overactive creativity drive, weird things tend to happen.... just sayin...

I'm just glad my hands aren't multicolored anymore

<- like this

please ignore the fact that this kinda looks like animal abuse. I promise no Maxs were injured in this process. (just severely pissed off I guess)

Yes, I shot this.... but then again, I probably shouldn't be bragging

my first stab at studio portraiture

Just in case you were wondering what my top ten favorite movies were....

(in no particular order)

1. Tangled [of course]

2. When Harry Met Sally

3. How to Train Your Dragon

4. Anastasia

5. UP

6. Lilo and Stitch

7. Despicable ME

8. The Notebook

9. Hercules

10. A Knights Tale

(yes, I am aware that more than half of these are kids movies, but that's the best part)

three months

So I was reflecting back on the last 6 months up here at NAU, and I can honestly say that they have been The Hardest 120 days of my entire 20 years so far. I haven't disclosed all the details to most of you, but I'll give you the gist.

Last semester I rented an apartment off campus with two friends from my residence hall and a friend of a friend. And we had the cutest apartment ever! I thought I was destined for an amazing year, but I was DEAD.WRONG. Something happened that fall and that apartment quickly became the most miserable place on earth for me.

I'm still not entirely sure what happened, but all I do know is that 2 out of the 3 roommates started hating me. (can't-stand-to-sleep-in-the-same-room as-me hate) And sadly, the third roommate, one of my best friends, was too afraid of unpopularity and she followed suit.

Those were the quietest, more tear-filled three months of my young adult life. I couldn't leave my bedroom without feeling daggers in the back of my head. I called my mother at least twice a day just to have somebody to talk to. (not that there's ANYTHING wrong with that) At first I cried every night, then eventually it hardened me.

I was so blessed to find a friend looking for a roommate in the middle of the semester, so I could escape. The damage was still done unfortunately.

It's been 4 months since I moved out. I think today is the first day that I can admit that it doesn't affect me anymore.

I lost a lot of myself in that apartment. I lost that friendly, smiling girl that talks with everyone and loves to make new friends. I lost that passionate optimist. I hate that I wasn't strong enough to escape unscathed, but these are my scars of experience and I wouldn't trade them because I learned so much in those three months, about myself, other people, about true friends. I have come so far in 6 months.

I am so grateful to my Savior for getting me through this dark patch in my life, but I have finally found the light at the end! :) I don't carry the burden of that experience anymore. And while I'm trying to forgive those girls, I have a renewed love for Jesus Christ and all he's done for me.

Which House are You?

How about something a little more lighthearted tonight? I came across this on my other blog and thought I'd share. :) Feel free to copy and do yourself.

Kinda funny that I tied for Gryffindor and Slytherin. The two polar opposite houses... I'm weird I know.

Gryffindor:
[x] You are loud.
[x] You like/d going to school to see your friends.
[] You’ve had more than a couple detentions.
[x] You always have something to do on the weekends.
[x] You like to be the center of attention.
[x] You get above average grades in school.
[x] You’ve been called bossy before.
[x] You’re a bit of a daredevil / you like an adrenaline rush.
[] You are athletic.
[] You are one of the best players on your team.
[x] You would do anything for your loved ones.
[x] You like the color red.
[x] Your favorite class is Transfiguration or DADA.
[x] You would never break a promise.
TOTAL: 11

Hufflepuff:
[x] You have many acquaintances, but only a handful of good friends.
[] You get average grades in school.
[] You’ve been called boring before.
[] You don’t like to brag about your achievements.
[x] You value honesty.
[x] You don’t mind working hard to get what you want.
[x] You like the color yellow.
[x]You have a job.
[] You are athletic.
[x] You are a team player.
[x] You are in the middle of the social totem pole.
[x] You are easily amused.
[x] You like helping others.
[x] Your favorite class is Herbology or Divination.
[] You like the music played on the radio best.
TOTAL: 10

Ravenclaw:
[x] You get good grades in school.
[x] You like to read.
[x] Dumb people annoy you.
[xx] You are creative.
[x] You’ve been called a know-it-all before.
[] You would say your intelligence level is higher than most.
[] You hate cheating.
[x] People often want you to help them with homework or projects.
[x] You are more into the creative arts: theatre, dancing, drawing, etc.
[] You are extremely logical in your way of thinking.
[] You are considered shy or quiet by people you don’t know.
[] You like the color blue.
[x] Your favorite class is A History of Magic, Charms, or Care of Magical Creatures.
[] You tend to over analyze things.
[] You can focus and pay attention well.
TOTAL: 8

Slytherin:
[x] You are very competitive.
[x] You like the finer things in life.
[] You think welfare is a waste.
[x] You’ve made fun of someone in the past week. [indirectly, it wasn't intention]
[x] You’ve been called a snob before.
[x] You think the end (can) justify the mean.
[] You’re not afraid to say something to someone else’s face.
[x] You tend to think people are a bit jealous of you. [only certain people because they don't know me well enough]
[] You’ve made someone cry by just saying something to them.
[] You tend to root for the villains in movies, books, etc.
[x] You are very good with words. [usually]
[x] Above all, you want to be successful in life.
[x] You like the color green.
[x] You love to win. [doesn't everybody?]
[x] Your favorite class is Poison or DADA.
TOTAL: 11

Sorry for the 3-day Hiatus...

My amazing Grandfather passed away Wednesday afternoon after an eighteen year battle with cancer. He defied what doctors told him and led an inspirational life. I was blessed to be his granddaughter.

He did so much in his life. He was a helicopter pilot during the Vietnam war, he worked for Channel 3 tv laying cables, and a cancer fighter. He was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma back in 93 and the doctors gave him 5 years to live. Since then he's been through multiple surgeries and relapses. He was a fighter. Now he can finally rest with his Father in Heaven.

He Loves Me

11 days still goin strong!

I just wanted to share a sweet wall post I got from my old RA that made my day.

Amanda Knox:
So I was at home a few weeks ago... My brother was on the computer and goes "Amanda come here quick! How do you know this girl? She's really pretty!" He had your profile up on Facebook! Apparently you were on his list of suggested friends. Totally random, but he's right... You are really pretty :-) I hope you're doing well and loving life!

As conceited as it may sound this made me really happy. :)

Hope you're having an amazing Monday!!!

Tangled!!!!

Tonight I shall spam you about my favoritest movie on the planet!!! TANGLED!!! Disney was absolutely brilliant with this one. Great music, plenty of comedy, dramatic parts, and of course romantic parts! It basically makes me wish I were a lost princess with 400 feet of magical hair and a sexy thief to climb my tower. ;)

Flynn Rider is the SEXIEST!!! They really did an amazing job with him, not to mention picking Zach Levi to do the voice. AH-MA-ZING!

The animal sidekicks were great too. It's incredible the amount of personality they can convey in an animated animal that doesn't speak. Maximus is hilarious, but I have to admit I'm quite partial to Pascal. I mean who wouldn't love a tine chameleon?!?! Freaking ADORABLE!!!

So if you haven't already figured it out, I am IN LOVE with the movie Tangled.